Lube | 5 Gems

Lube: 5 Gems No. 13 features songs by Adam Lambert, DigBar & Jake Hole, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Peaches, and The Boot Scootin’ Sissies. 

So, do you prefer Astroglide®, Gun Oil®, K-Y, or some other brand of… lube? Or, perhaps you’ve run out of lubricant 😱, creating a case of, “No Lube So Rude”! Or, maybe, you get creative and use a different oil for lube, as Frankie Goes To Hollywood.  Crisco®, baby! Regardless, this miniature, five-song playlist is all about L-U-B-E, lube! Lube: 5 Gems No. 13 features songs by Adam Lambert, DigBar & Jake Hole, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Peaches, and The Boot Scootin’ Sissies. So, grab your favorite bottle of lube and let’s go to town! Better yet, scratch the lube and embrace the power of lubricant via song!

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~ Table of Contents ~

1. Peaches, “No Lube So Rude”	2. The Boot Scootin’ Sissies, “Jesus, Take the Lube”	3. Adam Lambert, “Lube”
4. DigBar & Jake Hole, “The Lube Heist”	5. Frankie Goes To Hollywood, “Krisco Kisses”	5 Gems (2026)

 

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1. Peaches, “No Lube So Rude”

No Lube So Rude » Kill Rock Stars » 2026

Now that is quite the lyric! Bisexual Canadian feminist musician, producer, director, and performance artist Peaches (Merrill Nisker, b. 1966) never fails to bring the heat.  She remains potent to the nth degree on her bold, unapologetic single, “No Lube So Rude”. There is no shortage of eyebrow-raising lyrics. “No Lube So Rude” is the third track from her seventh studio album of the same name. Peaches wrote and produced this striking no-lube gem.

“No Lube So Rude” begins with a thudding kick. Eventually, there are some pummeling, jungle-like drums, which match the rawness of this record. Additionally, rhythmic, colorful synths shine within the initial minimalist accompaniment.  But it’s Peaches and those unapologetic lyrics that draw the most attention. “If you wanna tug / We can rub right here / Bring the strap right here / All caps right here.” Oh, snap, Peaches!  It doesn’t stop there: “In the back / In the front / In the cunt / Juicy plump / Take a sip / We can stuff / We can fluff.” Wow! Expectedly, the titular lyrics get some love before even more sexual lyrics arrive.  “Bag of nuts / Bag of tricks / Suck my bits,” she asserts, and continues, “Do you like to bottom / Like to top / Like to switch / Like to flop.” Well, she has it all covered, doesn’t she?! Later, she informs us she ran out of lube, hence, “No lube, so rude.” Rude indeed… like, painful…  Peaches gives no fucks in her performance – she’s all business with her primarily un-pitched performance.  However, on the word “Lube,” she is pitched.  As the record progresses, it adds more instruments (synths, additional programming). Also, Peaches provides even more oomph. Truly a piece of work, “No Lube So Rude” is entertaining, and of course, not safe for work (“When you show up dry / Lube is smoothin’ out the ride”). Never change, Peaches!

Appears in:

Peaches, No Lube So Rude: Spicy Tunez No. 17 (2026) Striking Bops from February 2026

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2. The Boot Scootin’ Sissies, “Jesus, Take the Lube”

Balls Deep in the Bible Belt » DistroKid » 2025

😳 😳 😳… I’d say WE LISTEN, AND WE DON’T JUDGE, BUT we are definitely judging here! “I looked to the skies and said, ‘Lord, I’m weak’ / With a bottle full of Jergens and a mind full of freak / The devil’s in my pants and I can’t break through.” Yep, that sounds about right… AI-created country band, The Boot Scootin’ Sissies is something else.  That’s an understatement! The song at hand, “Jesus, Take the Lube”, is the fourth track from The Boot Scootin’ Sissies’ gay country album, Balls Deep in the Bible Belt. Lead guitarist Willie Stroker (did you catch that last name 😏), and The Boot Scootin’ Sissies penned this queer joint while Randy Bottoms produced it.  In the lyric video caption, The Boot Scootin’ Sissies provide the backstory on “Jesus, Take The Lube,” and it is one for the ages.  It should come as no surprise that it involves masturbation… An excerpt from the masturbatory commentary:

Seconds later, with sweat pouring and AM gospel blaring, he [Willie Stroker] shouted “Jesus, take the lube!” and nearly rear-ended a Subaru full of youth pastors. He says he blacked out during climax and came to writing lyrics in the fog on his own windshield. The rest of the band helped shape the verses, but the soul of the song, the desperation, the shame, the slippery grace, belongs entirely to Willie.

God damn, I mean, God bless 🙏!

It goes without saying that most country songs don’t tackle choking the chicken.  There are non-AI exceptions, of course, but masturbation is rare in country music.  But, it’s front and center with The Boot Scootin’ Sissies.  The theme and lyrics are surprising, but the sound of the record is familiar for country music: the twang, guitars, fiddle, etc.  Still, it’s the narrative that takes the cake.  The chorus is the crowning achievement, in all of its self-pleasuring glory… or hell:

“Jesus, take the lube

I’m two strokes from hell

My balls are achin’, Lord, I’m shakin’

You know this grip too well

If I bust through these Wrangler jeans

Let it baptize the dash and set me clean.” 

My God, today! There is a variation, where our horny protagonist is “‘bout to blow / Got nut on my jeans and fog on the window.” Of course, it doesn’t end with the chorus.  While he’s jerking it in the car, he asserts, “Had my eyes rolled back / Right hand in place / Then I saw Jesus in the License Plate.” A divine vision? Nope, more like WWJD – What would Jesus do?  Of course, he makes it clear that the acronym on the license plate was “Starin’ straight at my meat.”  Jesus! Later, there may be divine intervention, though I have some doubts: “The engine stalled / My speakers blew, / And I swore I heard Moan, too.” Plus, he goes on to sing about nutting, a “jizz-stained breeze,” his “junk on his knees,” and “smelling his own prayer.” The big takeaway from “Jesus, Take the Lube” is never underestimate the power of man, lust, and his junk. This song, of course, should be taken with a grain of salt.  Oh, and it shouldn’t be played anywhere near the workplace…

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The Boot Scootin’ Sissies on The Musical Hype 🔻

The Boot Scootin’ Sissies, I Ain’t Gay (But My Boyfriend Is): Beaming with Pride No. 8 (2026) The Boot Scootin’ Sissies, Jesus, Take the Lube: Spicy Tunez No. 15 (2026)

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Appears in:

The Boot Scootin’ Sissies, Jesus, Take the Lube: Spicy Tunez No. 15 (2026) 13 More Take Songs There for the Taking (2026)

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3. Adam Lambert, “Lube”

AFTERS (EP) » More is More LLC » 2024

Oh, snap, Adam Lambert! He adds in the first verse of “LUBE”, “Trip to the moon, lavender blue / Drippin’ on you / Oh.” Oh, indeed! “LUBE” is the fifth and penultimate track from his AFTERS (EP).  Lambert penned “LUBE” alongside VINCINT, Parson James, and producer NOVODOR. It features an infectious, danceable beat. The clubby feel and gay club scene are alive and well.

“Pick up the pace, give and I take…” Whoa 😳! Lambert delivers cool, calm, collected, and sexy vocals throughout “LUBE.” He brings explicit lyrics in the pre-chorus and chorus. In the pre-chorus, he asserts, “No, we don’t need no friction / We don’t need to do it dry / Yeah, we can keep it liquid / Slide your body into mine, mine.” In the chorus, he urges him to “Be a real good boy and lube it up,” promising him “Gonna make you nut / Every time I move your body.” Holy smokes 🫣! “LUBE” doesn’t require deep analysis.  Neither does lube, for that matter.  Adam Lambert raises the temperature on this one 🥵. Not only does he S-A-N-G,  making our ears perk up, but he also makes us sweat!

Appears in:

Adam Lambert, LUBE: Midnight Heat No. 64 (2024) A Laudable List of L Songs (2025)

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4. DigBar & Jake Hole, “The Lube Heist”

“The Lube Heist” » Creamville Records » 2024

Oh, snap! Now that is an unforgettable, sexed-up lyric… and Pokémon reference. DigBar and Jake Hole join forces for an intriguing rap record: “The Lube Heist”. As the title suggests, the duo is stealing lube… from a lube factory.  The why should go without saying, particularly if you are a man who has sex with other men… Written by DigBar and Jake Hole, the production is credited to Hole and his record label, Creamville Records. “The Lube Heist” is divided into three parts. In the first part, it begins with a skit where DigBar and Jake Hole are stealing lube, setting up the lube heist, of course. DigBar performs the first and third verses. “We doin’ a heist, I got some niggas that tend to be tight / So I need me some lube, so it slide in right.” If you are having anal sex, lube is a must… Jake Hole performs the second verse, where he memorably describes how he and DigBar are dressed to commit the crime (“I was dressed like Shawn Mendes / DigBar was Giannis Antetokounmpo”). Jake Hole and DigBar split the fourth and final verse, depicting the heist. Hole performs the segue to the second part of the song, which includes the memorable lyrics, “Looks like, uh, suspect’s, uh, pretty caked up.” DigBar’s got ass!

Part two begins with a Jake Hole intro, where he asserts, “I’ll take my lube to go.” Hole performs most of the verse, though there are select moments where DigBar contributes. “It’s crazy ‘cause we hit a lick for the dick,” he raps, and adds, “One cheek ain’t enough, brother, I need two / Sex way better when it’s just us dudes / Get in my way, and I might just shoot.” DigBar leads the segue in the final part of the song, memorably stating, “I dropped, like, half my lube /… Man, why my ass gotta be so fat, it get stuck in the vent / I hate bein’ a thick nigga.” Jake Hole performs the first verse of the final part, which features the most refined musical accompaniment. He memorably commences it, rapping, “Pour the champagne, lube runs down my taint.” He later asks the question, “Would you rob the lube factory just to get fisted?” DigBar concludes with the second and final verse, informing us, “I’mma use this lube to blow his booty up like C4.” Day-um.  Fittingly, his final words are Jake and DigBar just did that Lube Heist / (Aye).” Indeed! “The Lube Heist” is something else!

Appears in:

DigBar & Jake Hole, The Lube Heist: Beaming with Pride No. 13 (2026)

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5. Frankie Goes To Hollywood, “Krisco Kisses”

Welcome to the Pleasuredome » ZTT Records Limited » 1984

Apparently, Crisco isn’t only used for cooking 😏. That’s right, Frankie Goes to Hollywood teaches us another way to use it.  It should come as no surprise that the other use is associated with sex. If you thought “Relax” was something else, what about another eyebrow-raising joint from Welcome to the Pleasuredome, “Krisco Kisses”? Holly Johnson openly shares what’s ‘going down’ – rather, what is ‘going up.’

Yep, Johnson is referencing fisting [an educational link, FYI], a sexual act performed by some in the gay community, that can be a heterosexual activity, too. Of course, if you do a Google search, you’ll likely run into some pornographic results 😬, which should tell you it’s popular in the adult entertainment industry… The point is, Johnson, ever the provocateur, embraces X-rated-ness without being profane. “You fit me like a glove, my love /… Take it to the top, my love.” Gah-day-um! If you haven’t figured it out still, out of naivety, shock, or your mind is blown 🤯, the “krisco” serves as lubricant…

“Krisco kisses (kisses!)

Never misses (misses!)

Krisco kisses (kisses!)

You can take it, take it up, up and up…”

Frankie Goes To Hollywood was certainly ahead of its time, particularly given that LGBTQ themes were still very much taboo in the 80s.  Furthermore, songs about fisting are rare despite a growing catalog of unapologetically queer music.

Appears in:

Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Krisco Kisses: LGBTQ Bopz No. 21 (2022) 15 Steamy Songs Best Listened to After Dark, Vol. 3 (2022) 13 Songs Where It’s All in a Kiss 😘 (2023)

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5 Gems (2026)
Almost: 5 Gems No. 1	Alone: 5 Gems No. 2	Am: 5 Gems No. 3
Big: 5 Gems No. 4	Break, Breaking, or Broken: 5 Gems No. 5	Can’t!: 5 Gems No. 6
Magic : 5 Gems No. 7	Money : 5 Gems No. 8	Mama: 5 Gems No. 9
Nut: 5 Gems No. 10	Watch: 5 Gems No. 11	Pretty: 5 Gems No. 12
Lube: 5 Gems No. 13

 

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Lube: 5 Gems No. 13 (2026) [📷: Brent Faulkner / The Musical Hype; Creamville Records, DistroKid, Kill Rock Stars, More is More LLC, ZTT Records Limited; Biju Toha, Gordon Johnson, OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay]

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