Danae Hays, Dick in My Nightstand | Spicy Tunez

In the 22^nd edition of Spicy Tunez (2026), we explore the eyebrow-raising, naughty, sexed-up vibes behind “Dick in My Nightstand” by Danae Hays.

[otw_shortcode_dropcap label=”A” size=”large” border_color_class=”otw-no-border-color” shadow=”shadow” square=”square”]ww, shee-it! Prepare to be shooketh! Spicy Tunez is a column filled with naughty, sometimes controversial, and NSFW songs 👀.  Some songs merely dabble in innuendo and suggestiveness.  Others, however, go whole-hog and embrace a give-no-fucks aesthetic, thrive on sexual endeavors, utter shock value, and sometimes find themselves firmly embroiled in censorship… DUN, DUN, DUN! Spicy Tunez consolidates those Controversial Songs and that piping hot, sensually charged Midnight Heat. In the 22^nd edition of Spicy Tunez (2026), we explore the eyebrow-raising, naughty, sexed-up vibes behind “Dick in My Nightstand” by Danae Hays. [/otw_shortcode_dropcap]

[nx_pullquote]“Some girls just want a good man with a good job and a good plan /…But me, I got a dick in my nightstand, ooh yeah.”[/nx_pullquote] Oh 🫢… Excuse me? LGBTQ Comedic singer-songwriter and content creator Danae Hays said what she said on the brutally honest “Dick in My Nightstand”. To be fair, many of us own sex toys. Sex positivity is all the rage! But do we sing about them? No, but Hays does! Hayes wrote “Dick” (🤭) with Alex Kline and Chris Gelbuda.  Although it is outlandish lyrically, the countrified vibes are alive and well.  This sounds like tried-and-true country music.

The premise of “Dick in My Nightstand” is simple. Danae Hays doesn’t need a man! Men suck, or so that seems to be the case throughout the song. During a lame date, Hays is happy, but not because of him: “Good thing tequila does what it does / I didn’t catch feelings, but I caught a buzz.” Woo! Rather than riding him or fantasizing about riding him, she has her Chevy truck in mind. Oh, and of course, there’s that toy waiting at home.  In the second verse, she’s thrilled she doesn’t have to be annoyed by him: “It doesn’t talk when I’m trying to read / It doesn’t poke me when I’m trying to sleep.” In the third verse/bridge, with his absence, “It won’t piss on the toilet seat / Or drag me to an Applebee’s.” Oh, snap! The chorus, excerpted earlier, is the crème de la crème. In its entirety, it goes a little something like this:

“I got a dick in my nightstand

I can use with my left hand

When I’m alone, it always treats me right

Never too tired on a Friday night

Some girls just want a good man with a good job and a good plan

Picket fence with a little white house on a hill with some nice land

Oh, but me, I got a dick in my nightstand

You know I do.”

Following the final chorus, Danae has a conundrum: “Dammit, the batteries are dead.” “Dick in My Nightstand” should be taken with a grain of salt.  It’s on-brand with other eyebrow-raising,  outlandish songs by Hayes. That said, she does make some valid points in this edgy country joint.  Still, while a toy can relieve horniness, it can’t compensate for loneliness.  Let that sink in.