11 of the Absolute Worst Songs of 2019 features songs courtesy of Blueface, Kanye West, Katy Perry, Liam Payne, and Lil Dicky. 

Ah, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, you negative noodles! Every year, I publish a ‘worst songs of 2019’ list.  Usually, I compile a list of the worst so far, but, that didn’t happen this year.  At the time, during the summer of 2019, it wasn’t that there weren’t some atrocities, it just was that they weren’t, say, that notable.  No worries though – we’ve got you covered with 11 OF THE ABSOLUTELY WORST SONGS OF 2019.

Here’s the deal.  Worst can be equated to bad, but in some cases, these songs are slightly misinformed or out of step socially, or simply ‘left a bad taste in my mouth’ for some reason.  Some of these songs may even be trumped by even worse songs in your opinion, but they certain raise an eyebrow because they fall short of the glory of the artist’s best or etc.  Enough rambling.  The point is that 11 OF THE ABSOLUTELY WORST SONGS OF 2019 fall short.  The offending songs arrive courtesy of Blueface, Kanye West, Katy Perry, Liam Payne, and Lil Dicky.

10 & 11. Katy Perry, “Small Talk”, “Harleys in Hawaii”

Small Talk [Single] / Harleys in Hawaii [Single] • Capitol • 2019

Well, initially, it seemed like Katy Perry had a shot at righting the shit ship that was Witness.  Perry showed respectable promise with single “365” with Zedd, and even more promise on the underrated “Never Really Over”.  But then, Perry decided to collaborate with Charlie Puth, and the results just weren’t, um, good.  Again, “Small Talk” and “Harleys in Hawaii” are in no shape or form the worst songs of the decade or the worst of the worst of 2019, but neither record reaches the previous high standard established by Perry hits of the past.  Also, neither were RELEVANT – FACTS! Just ask yourself, is either of these singles “Teenage Dream”, “Firework”, or “Roar”? The answer is a resounding HELL NAW.

“Small Talk” simply didn’t pack enough punch to be a hit that caught on. From a production standpoint, it sounds pleasant with its electronic-pop cues, but never blows you away.  Vocally, Perry pleasant as well but never ascends to the next level. “Harleys in Hawaii” seems to have a clear modus operandi – give Perry a record with enough swagger to propel her back atop the charts.  The gimmicky, repetitive chorus is a perfect example, with its flirty, carefree sentiment.  The problem? Like on “Small Talk,” “Harleys in Hawaii” just never ascends to that next, game changing level.  I mean, if the best single that Perry released in 2019, “Never Really Over” didn’t ignite the charts, was either “Small Talk” or “Harleys in Hawaii” going to get the job done? I think not.

9. Taylor Swift, “You Need to Calm Down”

Lover • Republic • 2019

Every year, I contradict myself a couple of times… okay, lots of times!  Personally, I like to call it evolution, but whatever.  Taylor Swift is a fantastic artist, but even the best can have a misstep – arguably two in her case.  We’ll focus on the one ‘misstep,’ which actually appeared on my monthly wrap-up list, 11 Awesome Songs That Tickled My Fancy in June 2019.  See where this contradiction is coming into play? If I liked “You Need to Calm Down” at one time, why do I now consider it among the absolute worst songs of 2019? Well, the answer for this joint from one of the best albums of 2019, Lover, is because it’s a missed opportunity – not so much some elements of the song itself.  Positives from “You Need to Calm Down” include the sound, vibe, and a super catchy chorus.  Adding to the allure of the chorus is the use of vocal layering.

But where things get hairy is the intent and execution of the intended message. Taylor Swift attempts to create an anthem encompassing love and respect for the LGBTQ+ community. That’s admirable. During the second verse, she references to GLAAD, as well as a key lyric, “Sunshine on the street at the parade / But you would rather be in the dark ages / Makin’ that sign must’ve taken all night.” The problem was, why is Swift only now attempting to be a straight ally.

Naturally, the reaction to Taylor Swift’s purported support for the LGBTQ+ community has drawn criticism. Christina Cauterucci (Slate) calls “You Need to Calm Down” “… A Teachable Moment About How Not to Be an Ally”.  Ouch! Of ‘queer-baiting’, Amelia Abraham (The Guardian) asserts it “leaves [her] cold”. Specifically, referencing the video for “You Need to Calm Down,” she writes:

“We jest, but the video for ‘You Need to Calm Down’ is not very funny, despite being intended as a campy celebration of queer culture. If singing ‘shade never made anybody less gay’ was meant to be Swift’s idea of allyship, the bad execution and cynical timing with Pride month make this video feel more like empty virtue signaling – and it’s not particularly virtuous, in my opinion, to caricature the homophobes in the video purely as ‘hillbillies’, as if only those people can be bigoted.”

Glamour and The Atlantic also had criticism regarding “You Need to Calm Down.” So, ultimately, a song that at least once tickled my fancy also opened a giant can of worms and missed a golden opportunity as a legit straight ally-ship. Damn Taylor, SMH!

8. Ed Sheeran, “I Don’t Care”

Ft. Justin Bieber

No.6 Collaborations Project • Atlantic • 2019

Ed Sheeran definitely has had his moments as a pop artist and songwriter.  Unfortunately, Mr. Sheeran misfired on No.6 Collaborations Project, quite possibly the worst album of his career.  Let’s just opt for the song that kicked off the promo campaign for this unfortunate album, “I Don’t Care” featuring Justin Bieber.  There are actually worse songs, but the big problem is that “I Don’t Care” sounds substandard, particularly for Sheeran or Bieber.

The premise of “I Don’t Care” is pretty simple. Neither Sheeran or Bieber are feeling the nightlife – parties, clubbing, and such – anymore.  Fair enough. Both simply want to be with their respective baes. Sure. From the start, Sheeran asserts, “I’m at a party I don’t wanna be at” \, later confirming his social anxiety on the pre-chorus. Okay then, go home Ed! It’s the same scenario for Bieber on the second verse/pre-chorus, but he’s willing to stay because “[She] make(s) it better like that.” Gotcha Biebs. On the chorus (Sheeran), ‘it’s all good,’ thanks to the baes. And I say to myself after analyzing this – so what? Ugh. To be fair, at best, “I Don’t Care” is okay. But honestly, in my cynical eyes, it’s disappointing.

7. Lil Pump, “Racks on Racks”

Harverd Dropout • Warner • 2019

Give Lil Pump credit for delivering an infectious if absolutely stupid hit with “Gucci Gang.”  The song lacks substance, but it was definitely a bop-and-a-half.  The problem is, since Lil Pump as come up, his music hasn’t improved in the least.  If anything, as evidenced by the atrocity that is Harverd Dropout, things have only gotten worse for the young rapper. Any number of clumsy songs from the album could’ve appeared on this list.  There’s a lot of bad, but even so, we have bigger fish to fry.  Still, opting for the played out “Racks on Racks”, it’s just not very good.

Sure, Lil Pump has intense production to fuel his fire on “Racks on Racks” – rhythmic ‘string-like’ synths, and a hard, anchoring beat – but there’s absolutely no profundity on his part whatsoever.  Sure, he has that respectable flow, but even that only goes so far. Money is cliché AF in rap and hip-hop, so, making it memorable or brand-new would require some truly elite skills. Pump doesn’t possess truly elite skills of any sort, hence why “Racks on racks” is BASIC, BASIC, BASIC!!!  There’s worse, but again, this is BAD.

6. Kanye West, “Closed on Sunday”

Jesus is King • Getting Out Our Dreams, II / Def Jam • 2019

I’ll admit to being skeptical when I heard that Kanye West was releasing a gospel album.  Where some members of his fan base and the black community were proclaiming that Jesus is King would be quite the tool to save souls, I was totally rolling my eyes and shaking my head.  No, you can’t touch God’s anointed – I’m well aware – but I just didn’t feel that Kanye West would do the Kirk Franklin gig justice.  And I was right – shocker.  Unfortunately, even if his heart was in the right place, Mr. West easily earns a spot with one of the absolute worst songs of 2019, “Closed on Sunday.” It’s bad… REALLY BAD!

“Closed on Sunday” does have one pro – its sense of enigma created within the minimal production work. Besides his own production skills, West co-produced “Closed on Sunday” with several producers, most notably, Timbaland.  That said, it’s incredible subdued, which seems to be the intent – a day to praise, reflect, and refrain from work. But things go south: “Closed on Sunday, you’re my Chick-fil-A”.  Yeah… he really says that.

At a most basic level (and this song is basic AF), Chick-fil-A is a Christian fast food restaurant that is closed on Sunday, like many places were back in the day.  Unfortunately, (1) this is BASIC, and (2) it’s also controversial, given the Chick-fil-A’s controversies, specifically regarding the LGBTQ+ community. It’s hard to get spiritually filled when the lyrics lack any sense of depth:

“Hold the selfies, put the ‘Gram away
Get your family, y’all hold hands and pray
… No more livin’ for the culture, we nobody’s slave.”

“Closed on Sunday” may be an intriguing discussion piece, but beyond that, it’s a clear misfire by Kanye.  If there weren’t worse songs ahead of it, “Closed on Sunday” would have an argument for the absolute worst.

5. Miley Cyrus, “Cattitude”

She is Coming (EP) • RCA • 20-19

Miley Cyrus has been lost musically for a while. She struck gold with her 2013 album, Bangerz, but has truly fallen short since then.  Her 2017 album Younger Now wasn’t a bad album, but it was quite the about face from the bolder music she’d been making and ended up going nowhere.  In 2019, Cyrus decided (rather attempted) to be bold and naughty once more on her EP, She is Coming.  It had one truly accomplished moment, “Mother’s Daughter,” while the only other notable song, “Cattitude” is… um… something else. She “Can’t Be Tamed” here…

Positively, women are spotlighted by Cyrus on “Cattitude.” That’s pretty much where the positivity ends.  “Cattitude” features a fierce guest appearance by RuPaul, who sets the tone on this sexed-up banger that’s all about pussy – literally. On the first verse, RuPaul asserts, “This cat is in heat / Let me ride that beat / My pussy on fire / Pussy five-alarm fire.” Wow, wow, WOW! As for Cyrus, she comes out roaring on the chorus, stating, “I love my pussy, that means I got cattitude / If you don’t feel what I’m saying, I don’t fuck with you.” Touché… or not… PROBABLY NOT… MOST CERTAINLY NOT!!! There are certainly better ways to empower…

4. Blanco Brown, “The Git Up”

Honeysuckle & Lightning Bugs • TrailerTrapMusic LLC / BMG Rights Management • 2019

“Go’n and do the two-step, then cowboy boogie / Grab your sweetheart and spin out with ‘em…” One “Old Town Road” is sufficient, thanks. “Old Town Road” is the novelty country-rap record that could, and therefore, the Lil Nas X hit should’ve been left at that.  Unfortunately, that’s just not how the music business works. Once a trend latches, everybody wants to get onboard, even when they shouldn’t.  Blanco Brown released an entire album, Honeysuckle & Lightning Bugs.  YEP. I did NOT partake, but I certainly heard the biggest draw of the album, “The Git Up.” Man, I wish I hadn’t.

“The Git Up” exemplifies what nightmares are made of – SERIOUSLY.  Summing it up: A trap beat mixed with country cues, a totally unhealthy, overabundance of twang, and utterly meaningless, corny-ass lyrics.  Literally, Blanco Brown says nothing on this cringe-worthy novelty joint.  It’s so ridiculous it’s not even funny – it’s just embarrassing to the nth degree.

3. Blueface, “Thotiana”

Famous Cryp • 5^th Amendment Entertainment, Inc. / Entertainment One U.S. • 2018

“Blueface, baby /… Bust down, Thotiana.” And to that I say, WTF? Phew, the whole world could’ve done without “Thotiana” blowing up in early 2019 (it was originally released in 2018).  Furthermore, the world would’ve also been slightly better off if we could’ve avoided the ascent of rapper Blueface.  Every year, there seems to be a new rapper who brings very little to the table in regard to overall approach.  In 2019, that was Blueface, with “Thotiana” being among the absolute worst songs of 2019, easily.  If there weren’t a couple more eggs laid, well, “Thotiana” could’ve been considered the absolute worst of the bunch.

“Bust down, Thotiana / I wanna see you bust down / Pick it up, now break that shit down / Speed it up, then slow that shit down, on the gang…” JESUS! What is most annoying about “Thotiana” is the slippery execution by Blueface.  Sure, the rapper isn’t saying anything worthwhile (the aforementioned chorus confirms that), but the fact that he’s incredibly off beat is annoying AF.  We already experienced excruciating suffering with Lil Yachty being off beat a couple years ago, right? RIGHT! Making things worst, Blueface is cocky AF (“I’m every woman’s fantasy (Blueface, baby) / Mama always told me I was gon’ break hearts…”), objectifying women in shameless fashion.  “I beat the pussy up, now it’s a murder scene” – really Blueface, really? Terrible.

2. Liam Payne, “Both Ways”

LP1 • Capitol • 2019

Liam Payne arrived late in the absolute worst songs of 2019 game, but damn did he score – adversely, of course!  “Both Ways” hails from his much maligned LP1 which seems to suggest a lucrative solo career for Mr. Payne seems quite unlikely.  The big rub against “Both Ways” is the way that Payne appears to fetishize bisexuality. In a time where the collection of LGBTQ+ songs is only increasing, Payne’s entry is totally ill advised.

On the most polarizing and shocking song of LP1, Payne’s girlfriend is portrayed as bi, hence, why “she like it both ways.” Liam brings a whole new level of kinkiness as opposed to respect, tolerance, or transcendence, referencing threesomes, where, unsurprisingly, his girlfriend’s girlfriend gets him involved:

“Lovin’ the way that she’s turning you on
Switching the lanes like a Bugatti Sport
Nothing but luck that she got me involved, yeah
Flipping that body, go head, I go tails
Sharing that body like it’s our last meal
One and a two and a three, that’s for real.”

“Both Ways” is a great way to sink a solo career before it even truly begins.  Horrid.

1. Lil Dicky, “Earth”

Earth [Single] • Commission Music / BMG Rights Management • 2019

Lil Dicky wins the prize ‘hands down’ for the absolute worst song of 2019.  No, “Earth” isn’t meant to be taken serious – it’s a comedy rap song – but it’s also atrocious to the nth degree. If you had to give this unforgivable atrocity one pass, the pop-oriented production by A-listers Cashmere Cat and benny blanco is respectable.  Beyond that, “Earth” is total shit. Sure, it’s neat that Lil Dicky assembled so many celebrities to appear on this song, but the problem is, it’s a total disaster!

Justin Bieber arrives as a baboon in the music video for crying out loud, singing that his “anus is huge” – ugh! Shawn Mendes (rhino) asserts, “We’re just some rhinos, horny as heck.” Lil Jon appears, loudly shouting, “What the fuck? I’m a clam.” Lil Yachty is “HPV, don’t let me in.” If anyone else came close to topping the abomination that is “Earth,” Lil Dicky ensured he sealed the deal.

11 of the Absolute Worst Songs of 2019 | Year in Review [📷: 5^th Amendment Entertainment, Inc., Atlantic, BMG Rights Management, Brent Faulkner, Capitol, Commission Music, Def Jam, Entertainment One U.S., Getting Out Our Dreams II, The Musical Hype, Pixabay, RCA, Republic, TrailerTrapMusic LLC, Warner]