Track Review: Jacob Sartorius, ‘Last Text’
They say third time’s charm. The same fortune can’t be said for a third Jacob Sartorius single, “Last Text.”
Generally, when the name Jacob Sartorius is uttered, there’s a collective eye roll in the room. If you’re not hip to viral trends, you might’ve missed the then 13-year old’s single, “Sweatshirt.” If you did miss it, be thankful your ears were spared. Of course, Sartorius couldn’t leave a bad thing along, and he returned with another gem, “Hit or Miss.” “Hit or Miss” was a miss, though not the caliber of miss of Sweatshirt. Regardless, both graced our 20 Worst Songs of 2016 year-end list, deservedly so. Now the 14-year old Sartorius returns with “Last Text,” the title track of a forthcoming EP of the same title. Is “Last Text” an improvement over an unimpressive start for the Musical.ly star?
“Last Text” opens with reasonable, pleasant guitar accompaniment. The instant it begins, the sound is reminiscent of Justin Bieber. This isn’t far-fetched – clearly, Sartorius is seemingly patterned after the Canadian heartthrob. Sartorius doesn’t have the same pipes, but compared to his two previous offerings, “Last Text” is a step up. He shouldn’t take the compliment to heart, but there’s more here, particularly compared to “Sweatshirt.”
Now for the bad news. “Last Text” is still horrendous. While the song has the sensibilities of a Justin Bieber record, it is NOT a Justin Bieber record. “Last Text” suffers from being an utter bore, which is obvious early on from the cliché guitar accompaniment and slow tempo. The lyrics are a total snooze fest, clearly appealing to a limited Sartorius niche (pre-teen and teen girls) and nobody else. This is the type of song that you listen to and you have no clue what the song is about because it’s not engaging.
Ultimately, “Last Text” shows improvement for Sartorius, but the improvement isn’t particularly significant. Sartorius still sounds amateurish, and the songwriting and production on “Last Text” don’t do enough to “move the needle.” Those who were fan girls will remain fan girls, while the haters are still going to hate. Most of us are probably hoping that “Last Text” will be the last Jacob Sartorius song.