The Boot Scootin’ Sissies, Jesus, Take the Lube | Spicy Tunez

In the 15^th edition of Spicy Tunez (2026), we explore the eyebrow-raising, naughty, sexed-up vibes behind “Jesus, Take the Lube” by The Boot Scootin’ Sissies. 

Aww, shee-it! Prepare to be shooketh! Spicy Tunez is a column filled with naughty, sometimes controversial, and NSFW songs 👀.  Some songs merely dabble in innuendo and suggestiveness.  Others, however, go whole-hog and embrace a give-no-fucks aesthetic, thrive on sexual endeavors, utter shock value, and sometimes find themselves firmly embroiled in censorship… DUN, DUN, DUN! Spicy Tunez consolidates those Controversial Songs and that piping hot, sensually charged Midnight Heat. In the 15^th edition of Spicy Tunez (2026), we explore the eyebrow-raising, naughty, sexed-up vibes behind “Jesus, Take the Lube” by The Boot Scootin’ Sissies.  

😳 😳 😳… I’d say WE LISTEN, AND WE DON’T JUDGE, BUT we are definitely judging here! “I looked to the skies and said, ‘Lord, I’m weak’ / With a bottle full of Jergens and a mind full of freak / The devil’s in my pants and I can’t break through.” Yep, that sounds about right… AI-created country band, The Boot Scootin’ Sissies is something else.  That’s an understatement! The song at hand, “Jesus, Take the Lube”, is the fourth track from The Boot Scootin’ Sissies’ gay country album, Balls Deep in the Bible Belt. Lead guitarist Willie Stroker (did you catch that last name 😏), and The Boot Scootin’ Sissies penned this queer joint while Randy Bottoms produced it.  In the lyric video caption, The Boot Scootin’ Sissies provide the backstory on “Jesus, Take The Lube,” and it is one for the ages.  It should come as no surprise that it involves masturbation… An excerpt from the masturbatory commentary:

Seconds later, with sweat pouring and AM gospel blaring, he [Willie Stroker] shouted “Jesus, take the lube!” and nearly rear-ended a Subaru full of youth pastors. He says he blacked out during climax and came to writing lyrics in the fog on his own windshield. The rest of the band helped shape the verses, but the soul of the song, the desperation, the shame, the slippery grace, belongs entirely to Willie.

God damn, I mean, God bless 🙏!

It goes without saying that most country songs don’t tackle choking the chicken.  There are non-AI exceptions, of course, but masturbation is rare in country music.  But, it’s front and center with The Boot Scootin’ Sissies.  The theme and lyrics are surprising, but the sound of the record is familiar for country music: the twang, guitars, fiddle, etc.  Still, it’s the narrative that takes the cake.  The chorus is the crowning achievement, in all of its self-pleasuring glory… or hell:

“Jesus, take the lube

I’m two strokes from hell

My balls are achin’, Lord, I’m shakin’

You know this grip too well

If I bust through these Wrangler jeans

Let it baptize the dash and set me clean.” 

My God, today! There is a variation, where our horny protagonist is “‘bout to blow / Got nut on my jeans and fog on the window.” Of course, it doesn’t end with the chorus.  While he’s jerking it in the car, he asserts, “Had my eyes rolled back / Right hand in place / Then I saw Jesus in the License Plate.” A divine vision? Nope, more like WWJD – What would Jesus do?  Of course, he makes it clear that the acronym on the license plate was “Starin’ straight at my meat.”  Jesus! Later, there may be divine intervention, though I have some doubts: “The engine stalled / My speakers blew, / And I swore I heard Moan, too.” Plus, he goes on to sing about nutting, a “jizz-stained breeze,” his “junk on his knees,” and “smelling his own prayer.” The big takeaway from “Jesus, Take the Lube” is never underestimate the power of man, lust, and his junk. This song, of course, should be taken with a grain of salt.  Oh, and it shouldn’t be played anywhere near the workplace…

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The Boot Scootin’ Sissies on The Musical Hype 🔻

The Boot Scootin’ Sissies, I Ain’t Gay (But My Boyfriend Is): Beaming with Pride No. 8 (2026) The Boot Scootin’ Sissies, Jesus, Take the Lube: Spicy Tunez No. 15 (2026)

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The Boot Scootin’ Sissies » Balls Deep in the Bible Belt » DistroKid » 2025

The Boot Scootin’ Sissies, Jesus, Take the Lube: Spicy Tunez No. 15 (2026) [📷: Brent Faulkner / The Musical Hype; DistroKid; Rizwan Aslam from Pexels; Clker-Free-Vector-Images, Gordon Johnson from Pixabay]

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