blink-182, Happy Holidays, You Bastard | Wacky Wednesday

In the 47^th edition of Wacky Wednesday (2025), we break down the unique “Happy Holidays, You Bastard,” performed by blink-182.

Do you know what day it is? It is Wednesday, folks! Do you know what that means? Why, it is Wacky Wednesday! In the spirited column Wacky Wednesday, we analyze, break down, and explore songs from various musicians of various genres that can be considered unique, unusual, or ‘wacky.’  These songs can be new or old; the only requirement is that they ‘catch the ears’ because of their distinctiveness.  With the background established, in the 47^th edition of Wacky Wednesday (2025), we break down the unique “Happy Holidays, You Bastard”, performed by blink-182. Wacky Wednesday vibes commence!

It’s hard to imagine that 45 seconds of song can be impactful or potent. Not a long runtime in the least! But in the hands of blink-182, their brevity pays off, yielding a bold, scathing, unholiday-like song with “Happy Holidays, You Bastard.” The title speaks volumes without ever hearing one note of the fourth track from Take Off Your Pants And Jacket.  This was prime blink-182, who gave, stayed together for the kids, and gave zero fucks.

Mark Hoppus comes in hot on “Happy Holidays, You Bastard.” In the first verse, he memorably sings, “It’s Christmas Eve and I’ve only wrapped two fuckin’ presents,” and adds, “And I hate, hate, hate your guts /… And I’ll never talk to you again.” In the second verse, he shifts to a different holiday, Labor Day, talking about his grandpa eating “seven fuckin’ hot dogs,” and, expectedly, “He shit, shit, shit his pants.” Even with a shitting grandpa 👴 🤭, Hoppus informs, “And I’ll never talk to you again.” The centerpiece of this off-the-rails, up-tempo, and wild punk/pop-punk cut is the chorus, which is, as you might guess, NSFW.

“Unless your dad will suck me off, I’ll never talk to you again

Unless your mom will touch my cock, I’ll never talk to you again

Ejaculate into a sock, I’ll never talk to you again

I’ll never talk to you again.”

👀 👀 👀 Likely, Dad is not going to give him a blowjob, nor is Mom going to touch his cock. But, you never know, and maybe, just maybe, Mark will have to talk to them again. “Happy Holidays, You Bastard” is something else!

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blink-182 » Take Off Your Pants And Jacket » Geffen » 2001

blink-182, Happy Holidays, You Bastard: Wacky Wednesday No. 47 (2025) [📷: Brent Faulkner / The Musical Hype; Geffen; Rich The Barber Font from Font Space; Wendel Natan from Pexels; AcatXlo, OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay]

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