Alestorm, “F*cked with an Anchor” | Outlandish Rock

On the 8^th edition of Outlandish Rock (2021), we explore the outlandishness behind “Fucked with an Anchor” by Scottish metal band, Alestorm.  

B

ring on the outlandishness! Outlandish Rock is a column that falls under the umbrella of Controversial Tunes .  Like its parent column, Outlandish Rock provides background information and insight into rock and metal songs that raise eyebrows and stir the pot.  The records featured on Outlandish Rock can be classic or brand new. On the 8^th edition of Outlandish Rock (2021), we explore the outlandishness behind “Fucked with an Anchor” by Scottish metal band, Alestorm.

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Theme & Lyrics  

“Fuck you, you’re a fucking wanker / We’re gonna punch you right in the balls.” A masturbator that needs to be punched, huh? Alestorm seem to have this Outlandish Rock thing down – UNDERSTATEMENT! “Fucked with an Anchor” isn’t the least bit family friendly, obvious by the title and the opening lyrics from the record.  Those unapologetic, f-bomb heavy lyrics appear on the centerpiece of this novel, tongue-n-cheek highlight from No Grave But the Sea (2017), the chorus:

“Fuck you, you’re a fucking wanker
We’re gonna punch you right in the balls
Fuck you with a fucking anchor
You’re all cunts so fuck you all.”

Hmm, you know it’s rough when “C U Next Tuesday” is incorporated into the mix . But if you take the time to analyze the chorus lyrics, well, it’s outlandish as For Under Consent of the King. This folksy, pirate metal cut should be taken with a grain of salt, period.  The lyrics on the verses ease off the f-bombs (until the end of the second), telling a nautical tale that is, well, intriguing:

“On a dark moonless night, when he least suspects
We’ll creep up behind him, so hard to detect
We’ll bring out our anchor by the light of the stars
And shove it inside his big fuckin’ arse.”

So, I guess Alestorm is literal to a degree. I mean, an anchor up the butt? Surely his a$$ isn’t that big, right?

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Final Thoughts

My advice – don’t overthink “Fucked with an Anchor.”  To reiterate, this is a novel metal record that’s as entertaining as it is explicit.  Sure, it’s silly and outlandish, but hey, that fits Outlandish Rock perfectly!

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Alestorm • No Grave But the Sea • Napalm Records Handels GmbH • 2017
Alestorm, “Fucked with an Anchor”: Outlandish Rock No. 8 [: Brent Faulkner, The Musical Hype, Napalm Records Handels GmbH, Paul Brennan on Pixabay, Pexels, Sebastian Ervi, SHVETS production, Vinícius Caricatte]

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