1. Mötley Crüe, “Merry-Go-Round”

The Dirt Soundtrack • Masters 2000, Inc. / Eleven Seven Music • 2019

“You know he’s got to get away / To the merry-go-round and round / Count times that he laid awake at night thinking / Am I going down now?” Hmm, interesting – very interesting.  Anyways, any opportunity to feature 80s rock collective Mötley Crüe is a great effing opportunity, right? Damn right, better yet, effing right! Taking it back to 1981 (Too Fast for Love), the ‘Crüe’ gives us the perfect opener for this merry-centric list with “Merry-Go-Round.” This intense, up-tempo rocker is reprised on The Dirt Soundtrack, which was released in 2019.

As aforementioned, the lyrics definitely craft “Merry-Go-Round” the interesting joint that it is.  This is something that Eduardo Rivadavia (Ultimate Classic Rock) writes of the song, which comes in as his pick for 30^th best by the band on his list “Top 50 Motley Crue Songs”:

“Proof that Motley Crue’s music could have heart, even in their wildest formative days, ‘Merry-Go-Round’ surprised as much for its restrained sonics as its unusually mature lyrics, making it the perfect change-up for the surrounding combativeness of Too Fast for Love.”

Notably, on “Merry-Go-Round,” the choruses are the main sections.  After dropping the first chorus, listener is given the sole verse of the song, which focuses on literally on the nameless protagonist being ‘gone.’  While the meaning of gone seems to be open to every listener’s interpretation, it was apparently inspired by a mentally ill man who visited a merry-go-round every day.

“It’s not easy putting on a smile
You’re alone, lost and found
She waits at home just to love him through the night thinking
He’s been gone so long now
Is he coming home?
He’s been gone so long now, ooh.”

2. Meghan Trainor, “Marry Me”

The Love Train (EP) • Epic • 2019

“‘Cause I love you, wanna give you my whole life / And you love me, you say you want me as your wife.” Grammy-award winning pop artist Meghan Trainor is happy – she married her hubby, Daryl Sabara, in 2018.  Marriage is definitely something to have you grinning from ear to ear.  That said, Trainor’s recording career wasn’t quite as happy in 2018.  After releasing five singles (“No Excuses”, “Let You Be Right”, “Can’t Dance”, “All The Ways”, and “Treat Myself”), none of them quite caught on.  Her third studio album, Treat Myself, was announced for a 2018 release date, then delayed until January 2019.  Then, January 2019 came around and Treat Myself went unreleased once more.  Yikes!

Despite a botched album promo campaign and etc., Trainor did drop a 19-minute, six-song EP, The Love Train, which features the song that fits this 11 Totally Merry, Mary, Marry Songs, “Marry Me.” Yes, “Marry Me” marks the first song on this list that’s about marriage, duh! The ukulele tropically-infused “Marry Me” comes as no surprise, given the aforementioned background – a happily married Meghan Trainor.  Also, can’t we look back to the song from Title, “Dear Future Husband”?  Of course, we can! Also, not surprising is the dash of a retro-pop sound, something she’s has embraced two full-length albums in (Title and Thank You).  There’s nothing ‘brand-new’ or particularly innovative, but Trainor’s dedication and throwback to the simpler, purer aspects of life – love – is loud and clear.  She sings the record well.

“Won’t you marry me, marry me?
Let’s not waste more time and just
Marry me, marry me
I want the world to know you’re mine
And I don’t need a cake, a fancy wedding’s not for me
Won’t you marry me, marry me today?”

3. Baby Goth, “Mary”

 Baby Goth • Republic • 2019

“Mary dropped a new record / And she won the best new flexer / So high you cannot measure / So rich like I am the treasure.” Heavily-tatted pop artist Baby Goth gets the distinction of serving up the first ‘Mary’ song of this 11 Totally Merry, Mary, Marry Songs with “Mary.” “Mary” appears as the fourth track off of her seven-song, 21-minute-long debut album, Baby Goth, released in 2019.  The sound is idiomatic of modern pop, filled with urban and hip-hop production cues (Boom, Staccato, and Winch) that give it a tough sound.  Those cues include killer synth action and hard-nosed, bass-heavy 808s ad clapping snares. Call it what it is, a pop banger.

Not only does the sound of the record rival hip-hop, so does Baby Goth’s performance.  While she sings as opposed to pop-rapping, she approaches her performance with the confidence of a rapper.  This is evident when Baby Goth sings lyrics like “Roll up in the city / Roll like G at home” (verse one) and “We stay high as fuck / Mary, take me away / … Mary rolling heavy / Foreign whips and diamond wrist” (verse two). Also, interestingly, there’s a coolness and nonchalance about the performance that embraces the ‘goth’ vibe as well.  And, did I fail to mention that nursery rhyme “Mary Had a Little Lamb” is in play throughout “Mary?” Why?  Because OF COURSE it is, sigh.

4. Ice Nine Kills, “Merry Axe-Mas”

The Silver Scream • Fearless • 2018

“T’was the night before Christmas / At just five years old / My parents were butchered / In the blistering cold.” Yeah, metalcore collective Ice Nine Kills don’t exactly establish the most exuberant, jolly holiday spirit on “Merry Axe-Mas,” the 11^th track from their totally dark fifth studio album, The Silver Scream.  Honestly, the opening lyrics are totally messed up.  Regardless, “Merry Axe-Mas” fits the over-the-top, dramatic nature of the horror-laden LP, transforming a highly-anticipated, beloved annual holiday into total, murderous, and morbid hellishness.

The specific villain of “Merry Axe-Mas” is Santa Claus of all people (“In his suit stained with red”), while the inspirational source is likely 1984 horror film, Silent Night Deadly Night. Safe to say, Christmas is totally ruined, whether it’s the brutal, coarse nature of the music (those guitars man) or the totally unforgiving lyrics.

“You will believe in me
Slaughtered under the tree
And I won’t leave a witness
So much for a ‘Merry Christmas’
Now Santa’s claws are out
The sinners scream and shout
I made sure the noose was yuletide tight
So much for a ‘Silent Night’
A ‘Silent Night!’”

5. Prince, “Mary Don’t You Weep”

Piano & A Microphone 1983 • Warner • 2018

Prince, rather the manager of his estate and Warner Bros., released a new album in 2018. Piano & a Microphone 1983 officially arrived on September 21, 2018.  In advance, listeners were treated to “Mary Don’t You Weep”, a single that accurately foreshadowed the sound and vibe of the posthumously released album.  Piano & a Microphone 1983 as a whole is an intimate LP, with a rawer nature that clearly contrasts The Purple One’s more elaborately arranged hits.  That said, the musicianship is incredibly impressive, particularly on our song at hand.

“Mary Don’t You Weep” isn’t only one of the best moments from Piano & A Microphone 1983, it’s also one of the most surprising.  Why? It’s a traditional spiritual, often performed in the church setting. Famously, Aretha Franklin tackled “Mary Don’t You Weep” on her famous Amazing Grace: The Complete Recordings recorded live in 1972. Another reason why the appearance of “Mary Don’t You Weep” comes as a surprise is the fact that it’s NOT an original, something that isn’t usually associated with Prince.

All that considered, this spirited performance certainly makes the spiritual feel like it was composed or at least totally transformed and tweaked by Prince.  Think of this as a ‘testament’ to his artistry – the total musician.  His voice is bluesy and fierce, chocked-full of grit and nuances.  His piano skills continue to impress. This is among his best moments in a more intimate setting.  Also, you should check out the late, legendary Inez Andrews perform the rousing spiritual as well as an awesome, folk-rock take by ‘The Boss,’ Bruce Springsteen.

6. Thomas Rhett, “Marry Me”

Life Changes • Big Machine • 2017

Grammy-nominated country musician Thomas Rhett put together an enjoyable, well-rounded effort on this third LP, Life Changes. Life Changes is representative of the new generation of country music, one that incorporates a variety of stylistic cues and influences.  For the old guard, perhaps they roll their eyes at the much more open-minded musician, while younger fans appreciate the modern relevance, he gives country music in an industry dominated by hip-hop and pop.  Enough rambling on about style, let’s move the focus to the song at hand, “Marry Me,” the second song that references matrimony on this list.

In the context of Life Changes, “Marry Me” follows the quick pace, and unapologetic country of “Drink a Little Beer.” Nothing gets much more country than beer, right? “Marry Me” finds Rhett reflecting on love lost, specifically, an old flame who is marrying somebody else.  Essentially, the heartbroken Rhett sings about how this affects him – he gets “in his feelings” you might say. Ultimately, it’s a relatable situation, as well as being an enjoyable, relatable song.

“I’ll wear my black suit, black tie, hide out in the back
I’ll do a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask
I’ll try to make it through without crying so nobody sees
Yeah, she wanna get married
But she don’t wanna marry me.”

7. Wale, “The Matrimony”

Ft. Usher

The Album About Nothing • Atlantic • 2015

“If there’s a question of my heart, you’ve got it / It don’t belong to anyone but you / If there’s a question of my love, you’ve got it / Baby, don’t worry, I’ve got plans for you.” Sigh, how chivalrous Usher, how chivalrous! Following a fine album with The Gifted in 2013, Wale returned in 2015 with another well-rounded affair, The Album About Nothing. One of the best songs from the album, doesn’t arrive until track 13, the penultimate track, “The Matrimony,” featuring Usher.  “Matrimony” is the only of its kind on this list in name only, though it marks the third song that deals with the commitment known as marriage.

“The Matrimony” is easily one of the more thoughtful rap records you’ll ever hear – EVER.  Just check out the dedicated, beautifully-sung hook by Usher, and it’s clear this is much more transcendent compared to the majority of songs in the genre.  But it’s not only on Usher, as Wale, eschews spitting about hook-ups in favor of bettering, committing, and dedicating himself to the love of his life.  He admits to his shortcomings, but vows to do right by his woman.

“It’s hard, you know temptation and all
Bitches out here tryna see if my relationship’s strong
Get a place in the charts or runaway from your heart
Gave this music my all, nothing is sacred no more – I’m wrong
But I’m promisin’ you better though
And your friends sayin’, ‘let him go’
And we ain’t gettin’ any younger
I can give up now, but I can promise you forever though.”

8. Machine Gun Kelly, “Merry Go Round”

General Admission • Bad Boy / Interscope • 2015

“Fills the needle with food, flicks the needle with haste / Brings the needle to her, she isn’t right in the face / The boy can tell that she’s scared, he says, ‘I love you, okay.’” Hmm… So, the Ice Nine Kills record “Merry Axe-Mas” was just one of a couple of depressing songs on this purportedly ‘merry’ list, sigh.  Machine Gun Kelly offers up another bothersome number with “Merry Go Round,” which appears as the 11^th track on his 2015 sophomore album, General Admission.  Cutting straight to the chase, “Merry Go Round” is nothing short of depressing and tragic, one of the rapper’s deepest tales on General Admission.

“Now the syringe is all that keeps her alive anymore / No mattress, so her and her child dyin’ on the floor / As a letter’s at the door reading: / ‘I’ll be home tomorrow, love, Bobby.’” Machine Gun Kelly imparts the tale of a couple who take drugs.  Bobby leaves for the army, while his girlfriend, who becomes addicted, is “messin’ with everybody,” and ends up pregnant.  She overdoses before Bobby returns from the army, and upon his return, he finds her dead, sees she was pregnant, and commits suicide.  Yeah, there’s nothing whatsoever. ‘merry’ about “Merry Go Round” in the hands of Colson Baker.

9. Kacey Musgraves, “Merry Go ‘Round”

Same Trailer Different Park • Mercury • 2013

“Mama’s hooked on Mary Kay / Brother’s hooked on Mary Jane / And Daddy’s hooked on Mary two doors down.” Wow! On February 10, 2019, Kacey Musgraves would earn the most coveted Grammy of them all – ‘Album of the Year’ for her third studio album, Golden Hour. Five years before Golden Hour (2018) was released, Musgraves released her debut studio album, Same Trailer Different Park (2013).  Notably, she’d win two Grammys for the set – one for ‘Best Country Album’ and another for ‘Best Country Song’ for “Merry Go ‘Round.”  Did “Merry Go ‘Round” deserve such accolades? You bet it did!  The aforementioned pre-chorus lyrics should be evidence enough!

On “Merry Go ‘Round,” Musgraves seems to focus on unchanging routines, traditions – that vicious circle called southern life.  On the first verse, Musgraves opens with a bullet about being a young parent – “If you ain’t got two kids by 21 / You’re probably gonna die alone.” She also references the mindset of church in the south – “Come Sunday morning you best be / Ther ein the front row, like you’re s’posed to be.” The second verse is ‘like unto it,’ highlighting the viciousness of that circle – the ‘merry go ‘round.’  The chorus is the centerpiece, of course.

“Mary, Mary, quite contrary
We get bored so we get married
And just like dust we settle in this town
On this broken merry go ‘round
And ‘round and ‘round we go
Where it stops nobody knows
And it ain’t slowin’ down
This merry go ‘round.”

“Merry Go ‘Round” first appeared on the list, 11 Songs Fit for an Amusement Park.

10. Conor Maynard, “Mary Go Round”

Contrast • Parlophone • 2013

So, not only did Kacey Musgraves appear on 11 Songs Fit for an Amusement Park but so does Conor Maynard with “Mary Go Round.” Maynard is a prime example of the underrated.  The British pop star released his debut album, Contrast, in the United States in January 2013. Contrast had some stellar moments including “Vegas Girl” (“I’ll knock you down like you’re Keri / Forget your name like Rihanna”) and “Can’t Say No” (“Girls, girls, girls, I just can’t say no”). Of course, it’s “Mary Go Round” that best fits this list, even if it’s ‘Mary’ as opposed to ‘merry.’

Obviously, “Mary Go Round” is a play on words.  When referencing the famous amusement park ride, it’s correctly spelled ‘merry go round.’ Much like Contrast itself, this red-blooded Brit amplifies the degree of suggestiveness.  Maybe he tries too hard, but, its ultimately entertaining.  The chorus is ‘something’ to say the least: 

“Mary, Mary go around
Why you playing me, turn me upside
Mary let me hit the ground
Get me off of here
While you go round and round and round.”

There’s more interesting lyrics, with a dash of horniness sprinkled it: “Go play with someone else, I’m getting off this ride now.” Yeah, we all know that sex is involved.

11. All Time Low, “Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass”

Dirty Work • DGC • 2011

“So, I wrote a song / Hope that you sing along / Here it goes / Merry Christmas, bitch – kiss my ass!” Christmas actually isn’t the main focus on the All Time Low song, “Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass”, which appears from their 2011 studio album, Dirty Work. Frontman Alex Gaskarth has experienced heartbreak – a bad break-up – so, essentially, his ex has totally ‘pooed’ on any holiday spirit he might have experienced. “Don’t you think it’s kind of crappy / What you did this holiday? / When I gave you my heart, you ripped it apart / Like wrapping paper trash.” Oh ‘sugar foot’!

Alex spends the entirety of the song angry AF to say the least – there’s no other way to put it.  On the second verse, he’s so pissed that he asserts, “I tear down decorations / They remind me of your smile / I hate that mistletoe / It makes me think of our first kiss.” Yup, angry and totally emo to the nth degree.  Essentially, ‘merry’ isn’t very ‘merry’ in the least here.  More interesting is the colorful phrase ‘‘kiss my ass’, which has been masterfully used by the likes of John Wayne Gacy as well as the non-psychopathic (Zac Efron has a memorable scene in Hairspray).