Track Review: All Time Low, ‘Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass’
There’s nothing like an original Christmas song to get you in the Christmas spirit. Personally, Christmas is my favorite holiday of the year, so I definitely agree that “The Motto” is that Christmas is “The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.” That said, Christmas means different things to different people – “different Strokes for different folks.” Some embrace it like myself, while others consider it in a profane manner. While there’s nothing profane-worthy about the birth of Christ, it’s hard to deny the greatness of non-Christmas song, “Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass.”
Many have not been afforded the experience of pop-punk band, All Time Low. First of all, if you are unfamiliar with the Baltimore outfit, you may have missed the band’s 2011 album, Dirty Work, which featured the infectious hit, “I Feel Like Dancin’.” Furthermore if you did purchase Dirty Work, maybe you cheaped out and missed out on this rousing bonus track from the deluxe edition – SMH. Regardless, you get to experience the epic nature of this non-Christmas song.
“Picture it,” a broken relationship, as depicted on the first verse:
“Now last year’s summer romance / is this year’s winter blues.”
Obviously, winter is characterized by the holiday season, so the frontman (Alex Gaskarth) is pretty pissed:
“Don’t you think it’s kind of crappy / what you did this holiday / when I gave you my heart / you ripped it apart / like wrapping paper trash.” Really an all-time low there isn’t it? So being the heartbroken dude that he is, he writes a song “and it goes / Merry Christmas, kiss my ass.”
He doesn’t stop there. On the second verse, he “tears down decorations”:
“They remind me of your smile / I hate mistletoe / it makes me think of our first kiss.”
Makes perfect sense, but is it really the mistletoe’s fault? Anyways, after another high-flying chorus of a ripped up heart and asking Christmas to kiss his boo-tay, Gaskarth continues on his anger at the time for “ho ho ho.”
After trying to reconcile the relationship to no avail, Gaskarth gives the middle finger:
“Fuck you girl, I’m going out.”
Well, he’s young, single, lonely – makes sense. But being both drunken physically and drunk with love that is no more, Gaskarth seems to have the wrong idea of Christmas – “Ain’t that just want Christmas is all about?” Biblically no. Also generally, even in the context of love, no. But then again, there is a classic soul song that asks “What Do The Lonely Do On Christmas,” which Anthony Hamilton covered on his Christmas album, Home For The Holidays.
Staying on track though, Gaskarth continues to be filled with the rage of a man scorned – there is such a thing. Repeating the angst-filled chorus once more, Gaskarth closes with an enthusiastic bang:
“So I wrote a song / hope that you sing along / here it goes / Merry Christmas, bitch – kiss my ass!”
So if you’re feeling the blues on Christmas and the traditional, sacred or secular carols don’t do it for you, add All Time Low’s non-Christmas classic to your rotation – you won’t regret it. Just don’t play it for your pastor or your mother or your girlfriend… you get the picture!