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R. Kelly, The Buffet © RCA

As the title suggests, here’s a playlist comprised of 12 songs where R&B veteran R. Kelly took innuendo absolutely TOO far.

R. Kelly isn’t the king of R&B – he’s the king of freak. Is there another R&B artists that comes to mind that can match the freakiness of R. Kelly toe to toe? The answer is no. Kelly has got explicitness locked up, no questions. Sex should be his middle name. If you need the reasoning for such confirmed, well, just consult this list of 12 songs where R. Kelly absolutely, positively took innuendo too far. He went next level – to the nth degree! 

 

1. “Legs Shakin’” featuring Ludacris

[Black Panties, 2013]

“I’m goin’ down, down, down / and do it ‘til your legs’ shakin’.”

Boy oh boy did R. Kelly kick off the most explicit album of his career with a bang. “Legs Shakin’” blows its cover with when Kelly sings,

“Until your body comes, until we see the sun / send you into shock girl once I touch you with my Taser tongue.”

Ludacris confirms the specific act being executed using the tongue:

“And my tongue just likes to scribble / morning, noon, and night I gotta have it / I’m a dog eat it up like bits and kibbles / make me dribble…”

Can you say F-R-E-A-K-Y?

https://youtu.be/nRZYCUQUdHY

2. “Cookie”

[Black Panties, 2013]

After hearing “Cookie,” Oreos will never ever be innocent, decadent cookies. No, they’ll always be sexual, representative of Kelly’s lustfulness. All innocence is stripped when Kelly has the nerve to reference Cookie Monster from Sesame Street:

“Cookie, cookie, cookie, I’m a cookie monster.”

Take your pick of naughtiness, but it all seems to come back to the genitals, SMH.

https://youtu.be/F9OhxEA5NHY

3. “Show Ya P***y” featuring Juicy J & Migos

[Black Panties, 2013]

Three songs into this sinful list and the third song happens to be from Black Panties. Honestly, it’s as if R. Kelly felt he had to make up for two conservative, classy albums in Love Letter and Write Me Back by going cray-cray with the sex. “Show Ya P***y” has a legitimate argument to top this list, as it is tasteless, misogyny at its worst.

“Climb up, slide down / bend it over, twerk now…split, split, split, split – now let me see…”

Terrible!

4. “Ignition” and “Ignition Remix”

[Chocolate Factory, 2003]

“Girl please / let me stick my key in your ignition babe / so I can get this thing started and get rollin’, babe…”

In 2003 this was one of the hottest records. It was and still is freaky, but it is tamer than the first three joints that grace this list. Yes, Kelly is still adventurous in his sexcapades, but he left the “cookies” out of it.

https://youtu.be/y6y_4_b6RS8

5. “Marry the P***y”

[Black Panties, 2013] 

Basically, this didn’t make #4 because that would’ve placed four songs from Black Panties among the ranks of carrying innuendo too far and some variety was necessary. Still, anytime you drop the p-word, it’s X-rated from the get-go. The chorus confirms that R. Kelly just might be the horniest R&B artist ever:

“This is a sex proposal / I just wanna marry the p***y…Wanna get down on my knees and ask that p***y to marry me.”

C’mon Kells! 

6. “In The Kitchen”

[TP-3 Reloaded, 2005]

Sigh, it never ends with R. Kelly, does it? Besides the freaky, irresistible hook, the best lyrics from “In The Kitchen” have to be “Girl I’m ready to toss your salad.” Of course, this is a line Kelly makes sure the listener doesn’t miss, delivering it bombastically, suiting the salaciousness of this number.

7. “Crazy Sex”

[Black Panties, 2013]

The crazy thing is that Black Panties had even more options to grace this list. However, five songs is plenty as Kelly continues to freak his way through the album. You know when R. Kelly asks his girl to “get ratchet,” that “Crazy Sex” has no hope.

“Let’s go deeper, let’s go faster, let’s go harder / lets come at the same damn time and then start over.”

8. “Thoia Thoing”

[The R. In R&B Collection, Vol. 1]

When made-up words come into play, they are literally “all about that play.” “Thoia Thoing” sounds representative of strip club music, and R. Kelly would have it no other way. The difference between “Thoia Thoing” and say “Show Ya P***y” is that while Kelly is still thinking pornographically, he hasn’t gone over the deep end…yet.

https://youtu.be/yv4TpHm0NPI

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the musical hype

the musical hype aka Brent Faulkner has earned Bachelor and Masters degrees in music (music Education, music theory/composition respectively). A multi-instrumentalist, he plays piano, trombone, and organ among numerous other instruments. He's a certified music educator, composer, and a freelance music journalist. Faulkner cites music and writing as two of the most important parts of his life. Notably, he's blessed with a great ear, possessing perfect pitch.

1 Comment

mistermaxxx08 · June 4, 2015 at 12:19 am

huge ARRUH fan and to me he is the most important musical artist over the past 25 years. he is like a modern day Ray Charles in that he can do it all musically if he wants. part Michael Jackson with his pop, save the world,steppin feel good music, church pop man with his Sam Cooke,Jackie WIlson, vibe, got the street feel of Curtis Mayfield,Stevie WOnder,Marvin Gaye,Bobby Womack, DOnny Hathaway,Barry White, meets Snoop DOgg, got a RIck James where I’m from boldness to his thing, the man got Ears for melody and hook downpat and can mimick anybody and anything and make it his own. his remixes are scary and the whole Trapped in the Closet is wild and showcases his humor. He is a very direct and yet intriquing musical figure IMO. he is to me the last Great R&B Aritst and nobody else has his catelog. yeah Beyonce is the bigger Black Pop Act, Usher had a bigger cross over career,mary gets to stay Mary and Mariah does her thing, however Kellz has his own lane and weren’t for his personal issues then his catelog IMO would rival anybody else’s. I mean you name it when it comes to R&B and this Man has tired and done it and regardless he has earned his stripes as a Artist overall.
the cat never had any real competition.

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